Like the biggest OOPS ever!

Okay, so I haven't worn my wedding rings in about 5 months. I guess that's what happens when you gain as much weight as I did while pregnant. Seriously, Oprah was starting to look like Kate Moss (That's my polite way of saying anorexic) compared to me. VERY DEPRESSING.

But I digress.

For Christmas my wonderful husband surprised me with not one, but TWO, beautiful bands of diamonds I can wear with my engagement and wedding rings. The set is stunning and meant so much, one band was from him, the other was from Mason. Problem is even though I have lost about 45 pounds, I still can't wear any of them! So, I would try them on every morning, and it was like trying to shove a marshmallow into a piggy bank slot. It was so frustrating.

Finally one night, I used lotion and soap to grease those puppies all the way on. IT WORKED! I felt like my old, not quite as large, married self again! The angles sang! The diamonds dazzled and danced in the bathroom light....... for all of five minutes. Then, my finger started to swell and I'm talking my finger blew up. So I tried to get the rings off, while desperately hoping Travis wouldn't walk into the bathroom and see me struggling. You see, this is the second time that I had used lotion to force them on. The first time I got them off and Travis told me not to do it again. But this time, after 10 minutes and loosing all the circulation in my finger they were still on. I was about to faint from the pain. I had to get Travis. We tried ice water and even more lotion, but finally he had to go to his truck and get his wire cutters. Yep, he cut my wedding and engagement ring off my swollen/red/scary blue/bleeding finger. Thankfully I hadn't attempted to get all four on, so the two new ones were spared this depressing fate.

So, I'm a freaking idiot. Travis has locked ALL of my rings in the safe and I'm not allowed to get them back until he says so. I can't even have them to take them to get fixed. He made me feel even more guilty by saying he was upset because those bands were supposed to represent our life together as an unbroken circle, as stated in our wedding vows. And even though I told him he was acting kinda like a girl, it did make me feel awful.

So, I'm an idiot. But one day we will look back on this and laugh. Maybe I'll have my rings back by then. Travis, honey, you can hold this silly stunt over my head for at least 5 years and bring it up at the table every Christmas to embarrass me in front of our family. And really....isn't THAT what marriage is all about? Love you babe. Sorry.

(Still, and this is a little inside joke for my family, my ring drama is not AS stupid as the time my brother tried to grab the attic string with his teeth and he grew up to be geneticist and a lawyer. See how loving families never miss an opportunity to bring up what you try so hard to forget? We have the memory of elephants...blue elephants.)